Jackisms

When told his preschool was taking him on a field trip:
Will there be corn there?

I have a skeleton at my room.
Really? What's his name?
Hmmm....Fluffy!

After squeezing onto the too-small seat and riding around on a little girl's battery powered Barbie motorcycle:
My penis hurts!

As we were cajoling him to eat his mixed vegetables:
I don't love these very well...

Jack, do you want a baby brother or a baby sister?
I want a sister.
You want a girl?
No, a boy sister!

After meeting a Vietnam vetran who was missing his left foot in the Everett Burger King:
Daddy, is his foot broken?
Well, his foot is gone, Jack.
Oh. Did it get blowed up?
Yes, it got blowed up.
Did it die?
Yes, it died. When your foot comes off, it dies.
Oh. Why did his foot come off?
Because it got blown up.
Why did it get blowed up?
Jack, eat your french fries!

Then about a week later, as he was waking up one morning:
Daddy, why is that mans foot broken?
What man? Did you dream about a man with a broken foot?
No, the man in the WHEEL chair!
You mean that man we met at the restaurant? The one with the beard?
Yes! Did his foot get blowed up?
Yes, Jack, his foot got blowed up.
Is he in a wheel chair?
Yes!
Why is he in a wheel chair?
So he can get around better. It's hard to walk on just one foot.
[Long thoughful pause...]
But...wheelchairs can't go up stairs!?

Jack, would you like your brother to be named Woodrow Guthrie?
Yeah! Roodrow Guffy!!

Mommy, where was you married?
We were married at Grandma and Grandpa's house.
Was I there?
No, Jack, you weren't around yet.
{starting to cry} But why not I there?!
Because it was before you were born.
{now wailing} But I want to be at your wedding!!!